Starting Over

Well, this day is starting off completely horrible.  Weighed in and I gained two pounds this week.  I don't understand at all.  I know I didn't work out every day but I worked out 2 times, which is way more than before!  I didn't eat any cereal (other than instant oatmeal), fast food, chips, sweets and didn't drink soda or juice.  I drank only water and coffee (limited to two cups a day) and ate salads, veggies and fruits.  I don't know what else to do.  I tried my best and the results are the worst.  I am so upset about it right now.

My daughter isn't sleeping as late as she used to and won't take naps for me.  When my husband is home on the weekends she naps for him.  My son is driving me nuts...he follows me everywhere so when I need to put the baby down for a nap, he tries to come upstairs with me and he's so loud she wakes up.  They were both just crying a few minutes ago so I started crying.  I feel like such a failure.  My husband didn't have a problem getting her to nap yesterday and my son didn't follow him everywhere.  Then, when I try to explain to my husband how difficult it is, I don't think he fully believes me.

On top of everything, my car's air conditioning went out, again, and so my husband had to take it in this morning.  I now have no way of going anywhere all day long...and it's raining so we can't go outside.  Hopefully, it stops sometime this morning so we can at least go for a walk or something.

Gained weight, feel like a horrible mother, don't think my husband understands me right now and it's crappy outside.  That about sums up my life right now.  Wish something would go my way.  I know that is selfish because my children are healthy and safe as are myself and my husband.  I am very thankful for this, I don't want to make light of these things, I am just having a rough time right now...I'm sure it will get better.

I wish I could call my dad and talk; it always made me feel better.  I miss him so much and I wish this would get easier.  I picture him walking through my front door, smiling and laughing.  It hurts so much...I think I may run out of tears.