Going in a new direction

Today is my birthday and I'm not even remotely excited.  I miss my dad so much still and it literally hurts.  But, I cannot continue to deal with it the way I am, by eating my sorrows.  I am going to have to become accountable for my actions and my feelings and deal with them in a more productive way.  So, I decided to write on my blog for the first time in a month and publicly post my goals for the world (or my handful of readers) to see.

1. Eat healthier.  I need to set a good example for my children.  I don't want them to lose their mother early, the way I lost my father.  It isn't an option.
2. Become more active.  Again, I need to set a good example for my children.  My son is pretty active, but I need to integrate daily activity into our family life.  It needs to be what we do normally, not something for special occasions.
3. Make time for my marriage.  I love my husband and we need to figure out how to set aside time for the two of us.  It means so much to me.  This needs to happen but I'm just not sure how to go about it yet since I am not comfortable leaving my children with anyone except family and they don't live nearby.
4. Figure out if I need to talk to someone about how I'm feeling...by that I mean other than someone I know.  I think I may need to talk to a professional about how upset I still am about losing my dad.  I cry every day...not in front of anyone, well, except Kaitlyn.  It usually hits when I'm feeding her alone in her room.  I start thinking of all the things I wanted my children to do with their Grandpa and I lose it.  I don't know if this is normal, but I am miserable.  I also don't like how everyone avoids the topic...I don't want to pretend my dad never existed.

I reserve the right to update/change these goals as I see fit.  Thanks for your support and look for another post regarding this on Monday, though I don't know if anyone follows my blog anymore.  I had to put these in writing though so I become accountable for my actions.  I'm 33 today and I have to start growing up!