Everywhere

This morning, sitting on the rug in our furniture-less dining room while my kids played, I could see it clearly. I could see our dining room table beautifully set for Thanksgiving dinner, the buffet filled with yummy foods and decorated with little paper turkeys. I heard the laughter of our loving family, the music of glasses being filled with wine and the children filled with excitement. I actually felt full of happiness...and then I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes.

When we bought this house two years ago, I envisioned all of the things we would do as a family here - all of these things included my father. He made my childhood, my entire life, happy and I always felt I could do anything if my dad thought I could. As hard as I try, I cannot remember a time in which he yelled at me, though he must have, right? I was in a pretty horrible car accident my senior year of high school. I was driving and my car was totalled. My dad never once said anything other than he was so happy I wasn't hurt. He took me car shopping to find a replacement and sat with me on my bed as I walked our insurance company through what happened over the phone.

Seriously, my dad was my hero and I miss him so much. I see him everywhere and in everything and I just can't fathom that he is gone. Forever. I'm in pain.

My dad, me and my Aunt Pat at a festival in 2004