Simplify

I decided to change up my blog's appearance...yet again. I started this blog for myself and I in the past months I have been getting back to blogging for me. The layout of my blog, the design and all of the buttons and columns were just distracting...to me, at least. I went simple. My favorite color is green, thus the green theme and the calming background. So, that is that.



Kaitlyn is teething so I have been busy trying to soothe her...I think she is getting her 1 year molars already!!! Argh! I can't believe she will be 1 in a few weeks...craziness.



It is so fun to see Nolan and Kaitlyn interacting, playing and learning from one another. Nolan is definitely Kaitlyn's favorite person in the world. She lights up when he runs into the room.

April is such a difficult month for me. My daughter and my mother celebrate their birth, my father died in April last year and 12 years ago yesterday a high school friend, best friend, killed herself. It is certainly an emotional time for me and so a few weeks ago I finally decided to see a counselor. I have been twice and it is really good to get out all of this yuckiness, for lack of a better word, and try to see that I am still alive!

Wordless Wednesday - Blue Eyes

Birthday Ideas

Unbelievably, Kaitlyn will be ONE on April 30th and I feel the need to begin planning immediately! We don't have a large family and will be inviting a few good friends whom have been with us through this insanely crazy year, but I want it to be a super-special day! I know April 28th will be incredibly difficult for me and my family, so I really want to make the 30th happy, fun and Kaitlyn's best day ever!

I need to start brainstorming...what little things can I do to make her birthday freakin' fantastic?

Here are a few things Kaitlyn loves right now (9 and 1/2 months):

• Clapping
• Screeching
• Doing the "splits"

• Smiling
• Baths
• Pillows
• Crawling full force at something she wants with her head down
• Dancing
• Our TV/Stereo - and she likes it even more when we tell her "no"
• Her brother, Nolan

• Her pink bunny lovey
• Daddy
• Laughing
• Graham Crackers
• Emptying all the toys out of all the toy bins
• Chewing on everything she can find
• Sticking her tongue out

• Sitting and kicking her feet
• Toilet paper (see yesterday's post)
• When I take off my glasses (she laughs every time, I have no clue why)
• Mommy
• Looking cute

SO, I should be able to come up with something spectacular for Kaitlyn's party, right?  

Wordless Wednesday - TP Edition

Wordless Wednesday - Milestones

Nolan's first 1/2 day at The Goddard School :)

Kaitlyn has two teeth!

Wordless Wednesday - Autumn Activities

Kaitlyn on a ride through the neighborhood

Nolan picking out some colorful leaves

Oh, The Joy of Teething Babies

I wish babies were born with all of their baby teeth. I know this doesn't happen for a long list of reasons, but it would just be easier on Moms and Dads everywhere if it did.

Nolan was only 3 months old when his first tooth popped up...and it was so. not. fun. I remember calling his pediatrician and asking what was wrong with him because he had red/raw cheeks, was drooling constantly and running a low temp. The nurse laughed and told me he was most likely teething. I didn't believe her. Babies don't get teeth at 3 months old.  A few days later, Nolan proved my thesis incorrect.  There was a pair of beautiful white teeth coming in on the bottom! Couldn't believe it and so I proceeded to take a zillion more pictures of him smiling without any teeth because I loved his gummy grin.

So, with Kaitlyn, we were fully expecting teeth early. She wanted to prove that all children are different and waited 3 more months than Nolan. Last Thursday, two days before she turned 6 months old, Kaitlyn's first tooth broke through her gums. Ugh. She was up all night. My beautiful, happy, awesome-sleeping baby became a fussy, unhappy, non-sleeping, but still amazingly beautiful baby. Then, I just noticed yesterday that another tooth is coming in quickly right next door to her current one. Poor girl. I wish I could take her pain away and would gladly give it to myself (or my husband!) so that she didn't have to be uncomfortable. I keep reminding myself that she will not remember this time in her life...but I will.

If you look very closely, you can see her little white nubbin' coming in (bottom right side)

Poopy Pants and Halloween

It was a strange weekend. Every single time we took Nolan somewhere this weekend, he pooped and/or peed his pants, usually pooped. Every. Single. Time. It happened twice at the gym, once at the grocery store and again today at Target and Kaitlyn's doctor's appointment. Luckily, since he did it at the doctor's office, I spoke to the doctor about it and about why Nolan is refusing to tell us when he has too pee or poop. When he goes, he doesn't tell us, either, so he just sits in it until we figure out that he is wet (pee is soaking through his pants and/or running down his legs into his shoes) or has pooped (see prior pee description). It's disgusting and everyone, including two different doctors are telling us that it will happen, give it time, blah, blah, blah. I am just so frustrated and feel as if I am a horrible mother. Our neighbor's son, who is only 2 months older than Nolan, was potty-trained last summer! Over a year ago! WTF?!?

On a lighter note, I took Nolan trick-or-treating last night and my husband stayed home with Kaitlyn to pass out candy. It was freezing here in Michigan and we decided she wouldn't care if she sat home with my husband or came with me and Nolan. My son LOVED it this year! He doesn't even like candy really. He likes lollipops, M&Ms and Reese's Pieces. That's it. But he sure got a kick out of going up to the houses and yelling "Trick-Or-Treat" with his friends. Most of the time he even remembered to say "Thank You" without me having to remind him. I was a proud Mommy last night...and he didn't pee or poop his pants! It was a win/win situation.

 My blue crayon and pink bunny



Happy Halloween!



Wordless Wednesday - Fun at the Park

Kaitlyn

Nolan

Not So Wordless Wednesday - MSU Spartan Fans

We are a family of Michigan State University Spartan fans. I went to school there as did my brother, both of my cousins, my uncle and my mom.  The biggest Spartan fan I have ever met though, was my dad. He attended Western Michigan University (as did my husband!) but since we lived on the East side of the state it wasn't very feasible for us to attend athletic events at WMU. My dad was the biggest MSU fan EVER with season tickets to football and basketball games and at one point hockey too.

This year, MSU has a wonderful football team. Their head coach, Mark D'Antonio is awesome! He reminds me of my dad...unfortunately a little too much. Coach D'Antonio suffered a heart attack after the MSU football team beat Notre Dame last month in a spectacular fake-field-goal for the touchdown finish. I immediately thought of my dad and how he wasn't as lucky. He didn't survive his heart attack. I am so thankful that Coach did and that he will soon be back on the field with his team. They are currently undefeated and don't think for a second that my dad hasn't had anything to do with this amazing season - because in my heart, I know he has been high-fiving God after every MSU touchdown!

Go Green! Go White! Go State!

Ready to Give Up

I am so ready to give up on my goals.  I am so exhausted every single day.  My son works my every nerve because he does not listen to me.  I finally get Kaitlyn to sleep and Nolan is loud and obnoxious.  I seriously have to use every ounce of patience with him and it leaves no patience left over for anyone or anything else.  By the time my husband gets home from work, I'm spent.  I have nothing left to give to myself.  I have 3 awesome workout DVDs just sitting here waiting for me to put them in the player and give them a try but I'm just too tired to care. 

Forgot to mention before but I am also trying to potty train Nolan right now, so that's fun.  He will go pee on the potty, but no poops.  He will go pee on the potty if I put him there, but not on his own.  I have to ask him 12 gazillion times a day if he has to pee and the answer is always "no".  Strange, because when I put him on the potty he goes pee every time!  Then my husband gets home and never asks Nolan if he has to go pee, unless I tell him to.  It just feels to me that I am completely responsible for the potty training but if Nolan pees or poops in a diaper/pull-up then my husband gets upset with him.  Well, how about putting him on the potty a million times a day like I do instead of just when it's convenient for you?!  Ugh.

At This Rate...

I will get to my goal weight in just under 4 years.  Great.  Weighed in at 201.4 lbs this morning.  Guess it didn't help that I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was crying or that I cried through Kaitlyn's 3:30am feeding.  Talked to my Mom last night and she told me that my father's head stone is at his grave.  I guess I wasn't prepared for it because I cried the rest of the night when I hung up the phone.  Think we're going to go visit his grave this weekend though the bronze military marker isn't there yet.  My Mom said another 3-4 weeks for that I guess.  I am pretty sure I should go see someone to talk through my grief, etc. but I don't know when I'm supposed to fit that into my life.  I can't even fit a shower in most days, unless I want to risk Kaitlyn crying, which I guess wouldn't be a big deal for a few minutes.  How am I supposed to take care of two kids under 3, cook a healthy dinner, clean the house, lose weight (right, that's working well), connect with my husband, keep in touch with friends and on and on?  How do people do this?  Other than the birth of my daughter, this has been the absolutely worst year of my 33 years of life.  I hate 2010 and I wish it would just be over so I could get back to my regularly-scheduled happy life...though I am afraid a part of me will never be happy again. 

My Dad was the nicest person in the whole world and the last time I saw him was exactly 3 months ago, today.  He came down with my Mom and brother to watch Nolan so I could go to my last prenatal doctor's appointment.  I came home and my Mom, Dad and I walked around my neighborhood while Nolan rode his tricycle.  I remember my Dad saying hello to someone I had never seen before that was walking past us.  That is just how he was...always friendly to everyone.  We stopped at a little area with bouncy trains and my Dad helped Nolan get on and off of them.  We came home and I took them all out to lunch for my Mom's birthday, which had been 4 days earlier.  We had such a great lunch and joked about me getting a spicy chicken sandwich because maybe it would induce labor!  The last time I saw my dad, and I'll never forget it, I was putting Nolan in his car seat and my Dad was standing up on the sidewalk out in front of the restaurant with a toothpick in his mouth.  He was telling me that he would see us on Saturday morning (I had an NST appointment at the hospital scheduled for that day) and I told him to drive careful.  I can't remember if I told him I loved him and I wish with all my heart that I could go back and give him the biggest hug and kiss in the whole world, but I didn't do that.  I remember we both pulled out and at the light they turned right to go home and I turned left.  I never saw my Dad alive again.

Seriously, I NEED Help!!!

Kaitlyn will NOT nap during the day.  I really have no clue what to do.  I have tried both extremes.  I have tried feeding her until she falls asleep then put her in her crib and she wakes up either immediately or within 10 minutes.  I have tried the wake, feed, activity, sleep method (Babywise) and she won't fall asleep when I just leave her in the crib wide awake.  She won't.  What do I do?  I am so frustrated and she is so tired.  Then there is working my son's nap in because he still gets up at the crack of dawn so he HAS to take a nap during the day.  How do all of you mommys deal with a toddler who has to take naps and a newborn who won't take naps?  I feel horrible for Kaitlyn.  She is so tired.  I have also tried the swing.  At 4:45pm today I fed her, she fell asleep after eating 2 oz so I put her in her swing and she woke up 10 minutes later and is now just sitting there fussing and making noises like "Hey, Mom, can't you figure out how to help me yet?  You're the Mom; that's what you're supposed to be good at.".

My husband either doesn't think this is a big deal or he doesn't believe me that she doesn't nap when he is at work.  I get it that he has to work to support our family and I greatly appreciate this, but like today he got to go to a Detroit Tigers game for work while I'm pacing our house bouncing Kaitlyn trying to figure out how to get her to nap and my son is working every last nerve I have left.

I feel very alone and I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to even to just vent, so I'm doing it here.  My mom has too much on her plate right now and I really don't want to burden her anymore than I already do.  This would be a classic time where I would call my dad to talk but since he died I just feel lost.  I miss him so much during these times when I feel like I can't do any more than I'm already doing.  I lose my patience so easy these days because I'm so worried about Kaitlyn not napping and therefore not getting enough time to grow and develop.  I feel like a horrible mommy.  My son won't eat anything and he wakes up super early...my daughter won't nap and is not her normally happy self.  I feel very disconnected from myself and my life.  Can someone please offer some advice?  I'm not looking for a debate on sleeping or feeding schedules, just some helpful things I could try.  Thanks so much. 

Not so sure I'll be working out tonight as I had originally planned this morning when everything seemed much more possible.

Wordless Wednesday

Nolan - 33 Months

Kaitlyn - 11 Weeks

Mommy's Love - Infinitely Ginormous

There IS Hope!

YAY!  I lost weight this week!  I weighed in at 201.6 lbs this morning and I'm so happy about it!  I was hoping to be under 200 lbs by this time but I guess I will have to be happy about this loss.  I am going to keep at it and hope my DVDs arrive this week so I can start incorporating those into my daily routine as well.  It will be difficult because my baby girl doesn't nap, but that's why I wanted short routines.  I can hopefully put her next to me on her play mat while I do the workouts and I will try to do them while my son is napping, since he still does take a nap for me (thankfully!). 

Have a lot to do this week!  Hoping to plan a play date this week at a friend's house so my son can get some play time in that involves kids his age...it is looking like it's going to rain this morning, so maybe I will try for tomorrow.  Need to get a new battery for my heart rate monitor watch too so I can go to spin class on Sunday, hopefully.  I just cannot go to that class without a heart rate monitor because I don't feel like I know what zone I am in and then I don't feel like I get a great workout because I'm not pushing myself to stay in the different zones...it's tough.  Lastly, I have to get all of the information for my daughter's baptism figured out.  We are hoping to do it next month, which means a lot of planning to do for me...and quick!  My mom is going to be gone most of September, so I just wanted to try to have Kaitlyn baptized in August.  She is getting a cute dress, too.  I just have to find it!  My son was so big when he was baptized that he barely fit into the 9 month outfit I bought him...he was only 5 months old!

Anyone have fun plans for the week?

Anxious

Mondays have a whole new meaning when you know you are going to be "weighing in" for the week.  I don't know how to feel about this week.  I was able to go to dinner with two of my bestest friends in the whole world on Tuesday and though I ditched the fries, I had a bowl of potato soup...it was sooooo yummy though.  I immediately regretted it and felt guilty the entire ride home.  It was so great to see my friends though...especially since Jen lives in CO and I get to see her once a year when she is home for the summer since she's a teacher. 

I did go to my step aerobics class on Saturday morning, though I was so lost this week.  They have different teachers every other Saturday, and I had never been to this girl's class.  She was young and super fast.  Oh well!  I did sweat and was out of breath part of the time, so hoping it was a good workout!  Also went for a family walk around our subdivision yesterday.  Baby was crabby at the end though, which actually helped me walk faster, so that was a hidden benefit.

My husband's sister and her son came to visit us today...they live over in Allegan, so she made quite the drive.  She wanted to see our kids and the house.  We moved in last year and she hadn't been to see it yet.  We had a hectic morning of grocery shopping for the week and cleaning so I completely forgot about what I was going to feed them for dinner.  My husband just decided to get pizza...ahhh!  My weakness!  I hadn't eaten much all day so I did have two pieces of pizza but I didn't eat the crusts (my fave part!) and I didn't have breadsticks or sauce (my hubby is killing me with these temptations!).  Still feel guilty and I'm still hungry.  It is after 8pm though so I shouldn't eat.  I may have to have a handful of almonds or something though to tide me over to my morning coffee and either oatmeal or fruit. 

PLEASE let me have lost weight this week! 

I had a very hard emotional week as well.  The kids were not napping well and I really miss my dad.  Hope all the stress didn't sabotage my (mostly) healthy eating!  We'll know tomorrow!  Have a great night and keep your fingers crossed for me!

Frustration

Kaitlyn has been such a great sleeper at night and has been going down for the night so wonderfully since she was born.  I was convinced that God knew I couldn't handle another baby like my son.  He didn't sleep in his crib until he was 6 months old!  Don't ask.  With my father passing away suddenly, I was thinking that her being a good sleeper at night was literally his doing.  Well, now, not so much.  The past two nights she has been getting up more often and tonight she has woken up three times since we put her down for bed at 7pm...it's only 9:15pm.  I am a naturally worrisome person, which I hate but have always been, and I'm so afraid that her awesome nighttime sleeping is coming to an end.  It was a great 2 and 1/2 months, I guess.

She doesn't nap during the day in her crib, no matter what I do, so I know she is tired and probably overtired, but I have tried everything.  I can't just sit in her room with her the whole day trying to get her to nap because my son is here to and I can't just leave him alone all day long.  The only way I've been getting her to nap is in her swing and I know that is not good, but it's the only thing I have right now.  And she will only nap in it once a day for me for a few hours.  She is definitely not getting enough sleep, so what do I do?  I don't want to hold her all day.  I have tried putting her in the BabyBjorn and the Slingling I have, but she cries, even if she is in a good mood when I put her in them.

I'm totally frustrated right this second and hope I'm just overreacting or reading too much into these last few nights.  My husband doesn't appear to care about a schedule, so it's up to me.  I told him when he got home from work tonight that she should go to bed because of the no naps...he kept her up another hour or so.  I know he wants to see her since he didn't all day long, so what do I do?  Help!

Heading to bed.  Don't know how much sleep I'll get.  Screw my goals for today. 

Starting Over

Well, this day is starting off completely horrible.  Weighed in and I gained two pounds this week.  I don't understand at all.  I know I didn't work out every day but I worked out 2 times, which is way more than before!  I didn't eat any cereal (other than instant oatmeal), fast food, chips, sweets and didn't drink soda or juice.  I drank only water and coffee (limited to two cups a day) and ate salads, veggies and fruits.  I don't know what else to do.  I tried my best and the results are the worst.  I am so upset about it right now.

My daughter isn't sleeping as late as she used to and won't take naps for me.  When my husband is home on the weekends she naps for him.  My son is driving me nuts...he follows me everywhere so when I need to put the baby down for a nap, he tries to come upstairs with me and he's so loud she wakes up.  They were both just crying a few minutes ago so I started crying.  I feel like such a failure.  My husband didn't have a problem getting her to nap yesterday and my son didn't follow him everywhere.  Then, when I try to explain to my husband how difficult it is, I don't think he fully believes me.

On top of everything, my car's air conditioning went out, again, and so my husband had to take it in this morning.  I now have no way of going anywhere all day long...and it's raining so we can't go outside.  Hopefully, it stops sometime this morning so we can at least go for a walk or something.

Gained weight, feel like a horrible mother, don't think my husband understands me right now and it's crappy outside.  That about sums up my life right now.  Wish something would go my way.  I know that is selfish because my children are healthy and safe as are myself and my husband.  I am very thankful for this, I don't want to make light of these things, I am just having a rough time right now...I'm sure it will get better.

I wish I could call my dad and talk; it always made me feel better.  I miss him so much and I wish this would get easier.  I picture him walking through my front door, smiling and laughing.  It hurts so much...I think I may run out of tears.

One "Step" in the Right Direction

Well, I didn't get any suggestions on home workout DVDs so I'll keep searching the internet and asking all of my mommy friends.  But, I did get to the gym this morning!  YAY!  I went to Step Aerobics class for the first time since last September and it is still so fun to me!  I love that class because I forget that I'm working out and then it's done.  I am not the most coordinated person in the world (serious understatement there) but somehow I can usually get the step routines after a few tries.  There was one today that I wasn't 100% great on, but I think part of it was because my body was like, "What are you doing to me? Why aren't we sitting on the couch?".  So, I'm a bit tired right now, but I feel so good.  Hopefully I can go every Saturday morning.  My son still loves the child care center, so I took him with me and my husband stayed home with the baby.  This is not the ideal situation because now my husband will have to go to the gym later and it will take away from family time, but it is only temporary.  Once Kaitlyn is older, I will feel comfortable taking her to the child care center and we can all go together and knock it out at once so we have more time together later on in the day.  I'm hoping to go to the gym tomorrow as well, but not sure what I'll do.  There is a spin class in the morning, but not sure I'm up for that yet.  We'll see and I'll keep you posted!

The Gym is not my Enemy

I have to keep repeating to myself that I used to enjoy going to the gym and working out.  I went for the first time in almost a year on Monday.  The treadmill is the worst invention, ever.  It is a torture device.  I walked/jogged/ran for 30 minutes on Monday and I hated it.  I even listened to Dave Matthews Band the entire time...that was the only thing that kept me going.  I am just not a treadmill kind of girl.  I love doing step aerobics, yoga and spin classes but the treadmill sucks.  I just cannot stay focused running in place.  I get so bored.  Unfortunately, my gym has changed up all of their classes/schedules since I was there last and I don't know how to get back into a good routine.  Before I became pregnant I was going to 2 spin classes during the week, Step Aerobics on Saturday mornings and Yoga on Sundays.  I was able to drop my son off at the child care, workout, shower and go pick him up with no issues and we were in such a great routine.  Now I feel overwhelmed and don't know how to get back into a workout routine.  It's obvious to me that I need to attend group workout classes if I'm going to make this work because if I leave it up to pushing myself, it will take me forever to lose the weight I want to lose.  If I only had someone to watch Kaitlyn for 2 to 2 1/2 hours twice during the week, I would be so much happier!  That would allow me to get to the spin classes, which I love, and take Nolan to the child care, which he loves, during the week and then have my husband watch her on the weekends.  How do you manage to fit in workouts, have your husband fit in workouts and still get family time everyday?  It is boggling my mind right now and I'm hoping a solution will just appear to me like a divine vision or something.  For sure though, the treadmill is not going to cut it.