So...I run now

It's been over two years since I wrote my last blog post. I probably don't have any blog followers left, but I felt compelled to write today.

Two years ago I was struggling. With everything. Since then, I have done so much to heal myself and strengthen my family. I have lost 65 pounds! That is my proudest personal achievement outside of my marriage and my children.

I love to run and think I will be writing more about my adventures in running and fitness. Stay tuned (if there is anyone still out there, lol)!

Yes, that's actually me on the right! Ran The Color Run in Ypsilanti, MI earlier this month! Super fun!

Need Opinions

Okay. I have finally had it with this depression controlling my life. I have to take control. I need to lose weight. Here are a few of the "issues" I currently have with trying to lose weight:

1. My kids don't sleep. My son is three years old and goes to bed around 8pm-ish and wakes up at THE crack of dawn (i.e. 5:30am) and that is on a good night. Lately, he wakes up sometime in the middle of the night...last night it was 12:30am...and won't go back to sleep unless me or my hubs lays with him in his bed. Because we are all tired, we do this, but then fall asleep in my son's bed instead of going back into ours. This is particularly difficult during the week when my hubs has to work. My daughter is 9 months old and goes to bed around 7pm-ish. She usually wakes once in the night, but goes back to bed after eating and a diaper change. Again, we know this is a bad habit, but we are so darn exhausted, it is what we do for now. She will then wake around 7:30am...usually.  Therefore, I get very little sleep...ever. My son won't take a nap anymore during the day, but my daughter takes two, usually.
2. Laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen, picking up toys 20 times a day, sweeping the floors a bazillion times a day, dropping off and picking up my son to preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and on and on. You know, the regular daily grind of a stay at home mom. Everyone thinks our lives are so easy. Riiiight. I don't even know what a bon bon is and I don't have time to watch soap operas.
3. My son is a picky eater. He won't eat much of anything. No matter what I cook, he won't eat it...except for turkey tacos...and he only eats the meat. I have a hard time cooking regular meals when only my hubs and I eat them...and hopefully soon our baby girl will too.
4. My hubs is up for work at 5:30am and doesn't get home until between 6:30pm and 7:00pm. He will be working late this month, so who knows what time he'll be home. It makes for loooong days. I usually feed the kids dinner, or a banana if you are my son, around 5:30pm. If it is bath night I will bathe them around 6:15pm and then by the time we're done I need to get baby girl to bed. She is usually asleep before my hubs gets home from work. I then have to clean up the kitchen from their dinner time mess and usually either my hubs will cook something or I will and we eat at like 7:30pm. If I'm hungry before then, I will just eat something quick, like a PB sandwich before hubs gets home and let him figure out his own dinner.
5. We have no family close to us. My mom and brother live about 45-50 minutes away and my in-laws live about an hour and a half away. Nobody else has ever watched our kids and so if I want to grocery shop or anything during the week, I will usually do it once my hubs gets home...which means it is late. I don't like shopping with my kids...it takes way too long and I find I am more stressed out about making sure my son is staying nearby and telling my daughter not to lick the nasty shopping cart.
6. I am currently living with depression. I could get extremely sad at any time, without warning, and my day will be a total loss as far as getting anything productive done. I am currently taking meds but need to meet with a counselor or someone, I know this. My weight issues are not my dad's fault. I am not implying that at all.
7. My right foot is killing me. It has been about a month since the pain started. I have researched it online and am thinking it is the long tendon that runs the length of your foot. It may have become inflamed and needs to be treated. I can barely walk on it after sitting for any period of time and it sure doesn't make me feel like hopping on the treadmill. I just don't know when I can see a doctor. I don't even know how to find a podiatrist.
8. I've tried Weight Watchers in the past, but it was when I had no kids and all the time in the world to count points, log my water consumption and monitor my activity levels. I know this won't work for me right now. I basically need someone to tell me what to do. I need prepared meals and realistic ideas of how I can work exercise into my current life, otherwise, it's not going to work. I know this for a fact.

I'm sure there are more excuses reasons I find myself not able to lose weight, but really it comes down to me not being able to put myself first. My kids need me, my hubs needs me, my mom needs me and I don't want to let them down.

So, I have started looking into Jenny Craig, Medifast and Nutrisystem. Have you used any of these? What were your results? Is there another system I should research? I need your opinion because I have to start somewhere and I need to start soon. I want to lose 77 pounds and know it won't happen over night...it may take years (hopefully not)...but I need to do something.

There IS Hope!

YAY!  I lost weight this week!  I weighed in at 201.6 lbs this morning and I'm so happy about it!  I was hoping to be under 200 lbs by this time but I guess I will have to be happy about this loss.  I am going to keep at it and hope my DVDs arrive this week so I can start incorporating those into my daily routine as well.  It will be difficult because my baby girl doesn't nap, but that's why I wanted short routines.  I can hopefully put her next to me on her play mat while I do the workouts and I will try to do them while my son is napping, since he still does take a nap for me (thankfully!). 

Have a lot to do this week!  Hoping to plan a play date this week at a friend's house so my son can get some play time in that involves kids his age...it is looking like it's going to rain this morning, so maybe I will try for tomorrow.  Need to get a new battery for my heart rate monitor watch too so I can go to spin class on Sunday, hopefully.  I just cannot go to that class without a heart rate monitor because I don't feel like I know what zone I am in and then I don't feel like I get a great workout because I'm not pushing myself to stay in the different zones...it's tough.  Lastly, I have to get all of the information for my daughter's baptism figured out.  We are hoping to do it next month, which means a lot of planning to do for me...and quick!  My mom is going to be gone most of September, so I just wanted to try to have Kaitlyn baptized in August.  She is getting a cute dress, too.  I just have to find it!  My son was so big when he was baptized that he barely fit into the 9 month outfit I bought him...he was only 5 months old!

Anyone have fun plans for the week?

Anxious

Mondays have a whole new meaning when you know you are going to be "weighing in" for the week.  I don't know how to feel about this week.  I was able to go to dinner with two of my bestest friends in the whole world on Tuesday and though I ditched the fries, I had a bowl of potato soup...it was sooooo yummy though.  I immediately regretted it and felt guilty the entire ride home.  It was so great to see my friends though...especially since Jen lives in CO and I get to see her once a year when she is home for the summer since she's a teacher. 

I did go to my step aerobics class on Saturday morning, though I was so lost this week.  They have different teachers every other Saturday, and I had never been to this girl's class.  She was young and super fast.  Oh well!  I did sweat and was out of breath part of the time, so hoping it was a good workout!  Also went for a family walk around our subdivision yesterday.  Baby was crabby at the end though, which actually helped me walk faster, so that was a hidden benefit.

My husband's sister and her son came to visit us today...they live over in Allegan, so she made quite the drive.  She wanted to see our kids and the house.  We moved in last year and she hadn't been to see it yet.  We had a hectic morning of grocery shopping for the week and cleaning so I completely forgot about what I was going to feed them for dinner.  My husband just decided to get pizza...ahhh!  My weakness!  I hadn't eaten much all day so I did have two pieces of pizza but I didn't eat the crusts (my fave part!) and I didn't have breadsticks or sauce (my hubby is killing me with these temptations!).  Still feel guilty and I'm still hungry.  It is after 8pm though so I shouldn't eat.  I may have to have a handful of almonds or something though to tide me over to my morning coffee and either oatmeal or fruit. 

PLEASE let me have lost weight this week! 

I had a very hard emotional week as well.  The kids were not napping well and I really miss my dad.  Hope all the stress didn't sabotage my (mostly) healthy eating!  We'll know tomorrow!  Have a great night and keep your fingers crossed for me!

One "Step" in the Right Direction

Well, I didn't get any suggestions on home workout DVDs so I'll keep searching the internet and asking all of my mommy friends.  But, I did get to the gym this morning!  YAY!  I went to Step Aerobics class for the first time since last September and it is still so fun to me!  I love that class because I forget that I'm working out and then it's done.  I am not the most coordinated person in the world (serious understatement there) but somehow I can usually get the step routines after a few tries.  There was one today that I wasn't 100% great on, but I think part of it was because my body was like, "What are you doing to me? Why aren't we sitting on the couch?".  So, I'm a bit tired right now, but I feel so good.  Hopefully I can go every Saturday morning.  My son still loves the child care center, so I took him with me and my husband stayed home with the baby.  This is not the ideal situation because now my husband will have to go to the gym later and it will take away from family time, but it is only temporary.  Once Kaitlyn is older, I will feel comfortable taking her to the child care center and we can all go together and knock it out at once so we have more time together later on in the day.  I'm hoping to go to the gym tomorrow as well, but not sure what I'll do.  There is a spin class in the morning, but not sure I'm up for that yet.  We'll see and I'll keep you posted!

The Gym is not my Enemy

I have to keep repeating to myself that I used to enjoy going to the gym and working out.  I went for the first time in almost a year on Monday.  The treadmill is the worst invention, ever.  It is a torture device.  I walked/jogged/ran for 30 minutes on Monday and I hated it.  I even listened to Dave Matthews Band the entire time...that was the only thing that kept me going.  I am just not a treadmill kind of girl.  I love doing step aerobics, yoga and spin classes but the treadmill sucks.  I just cannot stay focused running in place.  I get so bored.  Unfortunately, my gym has changed up all of their classes/schedules since I was there last and I don't know how to get back into a good routine.  Before I became pregnant I was going to 2 spin classes during the week, Step Aerobics on Saturday mornings and Yoga on Sundays.  I was able to drop my son off at the child care, workout, shower and go pick him up with no issues and we were in such a great routine.  Now I feel overwhelmed and don't know how to get back into a workout routine.  It's obvious to me that I need to attend group workout classes if I'm going to make this work because if I leave it up to pushing myself, it will take me forever to lose the weight I want to lose.  If I only had someone to watch Kaitlyn for 2 to 2 1/2 hours twice during the week, I would be so much happier!  That would allow me to get to the spin classes, which I love, and take Nolan to the child care, which he loves, during the week and then have my husband watch her on the weekends.  How do you manage to fit in workouts, have your husband fit in workouts and still get family time everyday?  It is boggling my mind right now and I'm hoping a solution will just appear to me like a divine vision or something.  For sure though, the treadmill is not going to cut it.

Weighing In

So, it has been a week since I first weighed in and so I was not looking forward to stepping onto the scale this morning, but I did it anyway.  I now weigh 204.4 lbs; only lost 2.4 lbs in the first week.  Not great.  Not what I was hoping for, but at least I didn't gain weight I guess.  Probably didn't help that we had two parties this weekend, though I didn't eat any chips and only had a small brownie yesterday.  I just couldn't say "no" on the Fourth of July!  I should have, though, but I doubt it would have made me lose much more.  Oh well.  I did pretty well on eating better and my husband and I definitely connected more this week.  Helps that he is off of work Friday through tomorrow, so we are able to spend good quality time together.  I didn't do well with the being active portion of my goals.  Took the kids to the zoo on Wednesday but other than that it has been extremely hot and humid here in Michigan so I just have not felt like doing anything outside. My gym membership has been re-activated, however, so I have no excuses for not going to work out...my husband is home to watch the kids so I should be going to the gym every day!  I have failed to acheive my goal this week.  When my husband is home and we are all together I find it very difficult to just leave and take time for myself.  I don't know why this is and it is very annoying to me at the end of the day.  Why can't I just take time for me?  What is wrong with me?  I know I should, but I get caught up in changing diapers, washing bottles, doing laundry, etc. and then I am too tired and very unmotivated.  I definitely will have to work on getting active this week, though it is already 90 degrees out and it is only 10am here.  Ugh.  I guess I will have to get to the gym, somehow.  Part of it is too that since I haven't been in a while, I am not sure what to do when I get there.  What if I see the personal trainer who first helped me out?  Will she judge me for putting all of the weight back on?  I probably shouldn't care what she thinks but I do.

Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July yesterday!  We spent it at my Mom's house helping her fix up some things around the house that my Dad didn't get around to doing before he passed away.  I missed him so much yesterday.  Well, I miss him every day, but when we are all there at the house it just hurts more.  I have flashbacks to playing baseball with him in the yard, getting wheelbarrow rides down the road and learning to ride my bike.  I thought that he would be around to do all of these same things with my children and I get extremely upset and sad all over again knowing that he will not be there, he is gone forever.  I would give anything to hug him right now and see his smile.  He was so kind to me and really took the time to be a father.  I love him so much and just really miss him right now.