Ready to Give Up

I am so ready to give up on my goals.  I am so exhausted every single day.  My son works my every nerve because he does not listen to me.  I finally get Kaitlyn to sleep and Nolan is loud and obnoxious.  I seriously have to use every ounce of patience with him and it leaves no patience left over for anyone or anything else.  By the time my husband gets home from work, I'm spent.  I have nothing left to give to myself.  I have 3 awesome workout DVDs just sitting here waiting for me to put them in the player and give them a try but I'm just too tired to care. 

Forgot to mention before but I am also trying to potty train Nolan right now, so that's fun.  He will go pee on the potty, but no poops.  He will go pee on the potty if I put him there, but not on his own.  I have to ask him 12 gazillion times a day if he has to pee and the answer is always "no".  Strange, because when I put him on the potty he goes pee every time!  Then my husband gets home and never asks Nolan if he has to go pee, unless I tell him to.  It just feels to me that I am completely responsible for the potty training but if Nolan pees or poops in a diaper/pull-up then my husband gets upset with him.  Well, how about putting him on the potty a million times a day like I do instead of just when it's convenient for you?!  Ugh.

Seriously, I NEED Help!!!

Kaitlyn will NOT nap during the day.  I really have no clue what to do.  I have tried both extremes.  I have tried feeding her until she falls asleep then put her in her crib and she wakes up either immediately or within 10 minutes.  I have tried the wake, feed, activity, sleep method (Babywise) and she won't fall asleep when I just leave her in the crib wide awake.  She won't.  What do I do?  I am so frustrated and she is so tired.  Then there is working my son's nap in because he still gets up at the crack of dawn so he HAS to take a nap during the day.  How do all of you mommys deal with a toddler who has to take naps and a newborn who won't take naps?  I feel horrible for Kaitlyn.  She is so tired.  I have also tried the swing.  At 4:45pm today I fed her, she fell asleep after eating 2 oz so I put her in her swing and she woke up 10 minutes later and is now just sitting there fussing and making noises like "Hey, Mom, can't you figure out how to help me yet?  You're the Mom; that's what you're supposed to be good at.".

My husband either doesn't think this is a big deal or he doesn't believe me that she doesn't nap when he is at work.  I get it that he has to work to support our family and I greatly appreciate this, but like today he got to go to a Detroit Tigers game for work while I'm pacing our house bouncing Kaitlyn trying to figure out how to get her to nap and my son is working every last nerve I have left.

I feel very alone and I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to even to just vent, so I'm doing it here.  My mom has too much on her plate right now and I really don't want to burden her anymore than I already do.  This would be a classic time where I would call my dad to talk but since he died I just feel lost.  I miss him so much during these times when I feel like I can't do any more than I'm already doing.  I lose my patience so easy these days because I'm so worried about Kaitlyn not napping and therefore not getting enough time to grow and develop.  I feel like a horrible mommy.  My son won't eat anything and he wakes up super early...my daughter won't nap and is not her normally happy self.  I feel very disconnected from myself and my life.  Can someone please offer some advice?  I'm not looking for a debate on sleeping or feeding schedules, just some helpful things I could try.  Thanks so much. 

Not so sure I'll be working out tonight as I had originally planned this morning when everything seemed much more possible.

Frustration

Kaitlyn has been such a great sleeper at night and has been going down for the night so wonderfully since she was born.  I was convinced that God knew I couldn't handle another baby like my son.  He didn't sleep in his crib until he was 6 months old!  Don't ask.  With my father passing away suddenly, I was thinking that her being a good sleeper at night was literally his doing.  Well, now, not so much.  The past two nights she has been getting up more often and tonight she has woken up three times since we put her down for bed at 7pm...it's only 9:15pm.  I am a naturally worrisome person, which I hate but have always been, and I'm so afraid that her awesome nighttime sleeping is coming to an end.  It was a great 2 and 1/2 months, I guess.

She doesn't nap during the day in her crib, no matter what I do, so I know she is tired and probably overtired, but I have tried everything.  I can't just sit in her room with her the whole day trying to get her to nap because my son is here to and I can't just leave him alone all day long.  The only way I've been getting her to nap is in her swing and I know that is not good, but it's the only thing I have right now.  And she will only nap in it once a day for me for a few hours.  She is definitely not getting enough sleep, so what do I do?  I don't want to hold her all day.  I have tried putting her in the BabyBjorn and the Slingling I have, but she cries, even if she is in a good mood when I put her in them.

I'm totally frustrated right this second and hope I'm just overreacting or reading too much into these last few nights.  My husband doesn't appear to care about a schedule, so it's up to me.  I told him when he got home from work tonight that she should go to bed because of the no naps...he kept her up another hour or so.  I know he wants to see her since he didn't all day long, so what do I do?  Help!

Heading to bed.  Don't know how much sleep I'll get.  Screw my goals for today. 

Good News and Bad News

Well, yesterday went okay, I guess.  I failed to be active for 30 minutes, which made me very upset with myself, but the good news is...I didn't eat my feelings!  Yay!  I accepted the day for what it was...my son knocked my coffee all over our light colored carpet and I can't get it all the way out, my daughter wouldn't nap and then when she did it was in the swing and I want her in her crib, my son arose from his nap and proceeded to drive me crazy the rest of the day because I was trying to take care of my daughter who was apparently starving since she ate and ate and ate.  Ugh.  So, it was a less than wonderful start to my journey.  I did manage to stay up a little later than I normally do and hung out with hubby to watch the Tigers (we love baseball in our house!) which was nice.  I was just so plain exhausted though and was over-tired.  I now know why it is hard to get kids down for naps/nighttime when they are too tired.  I laid in bed and could not fall asleep.  It sucked. 

Of course, my son woke up at 6am sharp this morning and my daughter, who had been sleeping in nicely, woke up at 6:30.  Ugh, again.  I decided we had to get out somewhere today.  I took them to an outside mall nearby which has a fun play area my son loves.  We get there...play area closed for painting.  What?!  Then, my son tells me he pooped (he won't go on the toilet...daily struggle...whole other post) and we get to the car to find no poop, but he peed through his diaper and is soaking wet.  Home we go.  Wow, that was a fun trip...not.

They are both napping right now and I needed to get out my frustrations.  Do you know how badly I want to eat a piece of the DQ ice cream cake that is in our freezer right now?  My husband bought it for my birthday and I have had one piece...total.  I want it...it's calling my name.  But no, I am on here, posting about my crappy day and I am ignoring the cake, and the chips for that matter.  This is the time of day I usually snack because both kids are asleep, or sometimes the baby is up, and I can just eat and not feel guilty that my son is watching me shovel food in my mouth.  I think I am going to have a cup of coffee, however, because my husband has a meeting until 5:30pm tonight and will be later than normal.  Triple ugh.

Wanted to post a quick photo of the moments that make me want to keep ignoring the cake...she's an angel.