So...I run now

It's been over two years since I wrote my last blog post. I probably don't have any blog followers left, but I felt compelled to write today.

Two years ago I was struggling. With everything. Since then, I have done so much to heal myself and strengthen my family. I have lost 65 pounds! That is my proudest personal achievement outside of my marriage and my children.

I love to run and think I will be writing more about my adventures in running and fitness. Stay tuned (if there is anyone still out there, lol)!

Yes, that's actually me on the right! Ran The Color Run in Ypsilanti, MI earlier this month! Super fun!

Simplify

I decided to change up my blog's appearance...yet again. I started this blog for myself and I in the past months I have been getting back to blogging for me. The layout of my blog, the design and all of the buttons and columns were just distracting...to me, at least. I went simple. My favorite color is green, thus the green theme and the calming background. So, that is that.



Kaitlyn is teething so I have been busy trying to soothe her...I think she is getting her 1 year molars already!!! Argh! I can't believe she will be 1 in a few weeks...craziness.



It is so fun to see Nolan and Kaitlyn interacting, playing and learning from one another. Nolan is definitely Kaitlyn's favorite person in the world. She lights up when he runs into the room.

April is such a difficult month for me. My daughter and my mother celebrate their birth, my father died in April last year and 12 years ago yesterday a high school friend, best friend, killed herself. It is certainly an emotional time for me and so a few weeks ago I finally decided to see a counselor. I have been twice and it is really good to get out all of this yuckiness, for lack of a better word, and try to see that I am still alive!

Attack of the Shoulds

I should help my Mom more.
I should have dinner ready every evening when my husband arrives home.
I should have a clean house all the time.
I should lose 80 pounds by the end of the summer.
I should feel normal again.
I should be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend.
I should do my hair and wear makeup every day.
I should have begged my father to go to the doctor.
I should be happy about myself the way I am currently.
I should socialize with other moms more often so I appear normal.
I should care more about the clothes I wear.
I should have my kids enrolled in soccer, tee ball, gymnastics, karate, hockey, etc.
I should work out every day.
I should get out of the house and figure out how to talk about normal things again.
I should have told my father how much he meant to me.
I should be over this.

DSLR and PSE - huh?

A few weeks ago, I blogged about my wish list and my husband either a) finally found my blog or b) is psychic. I am going to assume my hubs just completed his "How to read a crystal ball" class because I'm pretty sure he doesn't know I have a blog. Anywho, not too long ago he and Nolan came home from a weekly trip to Costco and Nolan told me he bought me a gift. I told him I was excited and was anxiously waiting at the door for him to run up and give me a crate full of watermelons or something, but no, it was a Nikon D3100 kit! I was floored! So, now I am the proud owner of a Nikon D3100 DSLR camera and have two lenses, a camera bag (though, very basic black...I will have to upgrade sometime in the future), a memory card, two DVDs on how to use the camera (right, I'll watch those in my "free" time) and no clue how to use this awesome camera! The next weekend we decided to make it a family trip to Costco and my husband bought Photoshop Elements 9 (PSE) for me!!! I am so very excited and thankful but have no clue how to use it, either. Ugh. I try to do stuff in it but I am clueless (see previous posts in which I document my inability to do anything creative as I am an accountant). So, who can help me? PSE didn't come with any instructions and I have read through my Nikon stuff but it wasn't overly helpful. Guess I should watch those DVDs huh?

So, until I know how to use my camera to it's full capabilites, I am shooting in auto mode right now. I want to go to manual because I know I can get much better photos but I just don't know what I'm doing! Maybe I can find an amateur photography class sometime...riiiiight after I do all that stuff on my "must do first" list. I think photography could be a great hobby for me and may just let me express myself and get out all of the crappy yucky feelings I have been having...I just need to figure out where to start.

In the meantime, I am noticing that my photos are definitely crisper than with my point-and-shoot Canon, so that's great! Now if I can just figure out how to use PSE and all the fun actions out there, I'd be thrilled!

Here are a few shots from my Nikon. As stated above, these are all in auto mode, so pretty please, don't judge...I'm trying!

Butterflies and Other Miscellany

Okay, so I have decided on a loose theme for Kaitlyn's first birthday party...butterflies. There are a few reasons this theme feels right: 





One of the butterflies over Kaitlyn's crib


• Kaitlyn's nursery has butterflies hanging from the ceiling and she loves to watch them flutter around. There are two over her crib instead of a mobile and two hang over her changing table. I can't wait until spring finally arrives (if it ever arrives here in MI!) so that I can open her window and let the butterflies flutter in the breeze. I pretend the two over her crib are my father and paternal grandmother, watching over Kaitlyn for me at night. Silly, I know, but I'm not quite all there.    
• Butterflies symbolize spring and I am ready for spring to be here...now! What better way to celebrate my spring baby than with spring-y bugs?!
• Color, color, color! Butterflies are all different colors so it won't look like the pink monster spewed all over my house. I am thinking green, brown, orange, etc. Maybe a little pink. Don't get me wrong, pink is a lovely color, but while I have been searching for girl party themes...everything is pink! Ugh. Seriously folks, girls like other colors. My fave is green, for example. Thanks.
• I can pair butterflies with other fun bugs...caterpillars, bees, dragonflies...so the boys we are inviting to the party won't have only butterflies on their plates/napkins/goody bags. Whereas a pretty pretty pink princess party would probably be a bit more difficult to stomach for the wee lads...and for me. 

  

  On the wall above Kaitlyn's crib

Yesterday I ordered cute invites from Tiny Prints and was having a stressful day so I also bought the matching Thank You notes, address labels and gift bag labels. Oh, Tiny Prints, you are so sneaky with your matching accessories...especially when preying on a depressed, tired, perfectionista mother of two! Ugh.

I had to have it all! And for what?! Kaitlyn won't remember a thing, right? Well, but I will, and she is only turning 1 once, so I want it to be perfect. Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this and could just buy any old invites, decorations, whatever and still make it the best for my kids. My parents weren't like this, but I just love decor and wish I had gone to school for something cool like interior decorating or party planning or photography. Nope, I studied accounting. Woo Hoo! Break out the party hats kiddos, we're going to be having fun with debits and credits today! Par-tay!

Next on my party to-do list...smash cake and cupcakes. I think I'm going to have them made but I have no clue where to find a good bakery around here. I googled bakeries and there is not much. I just began my search yesterday though, so I will keep looking. There has to be a good baker around here...now to find them! I'll keep ya updated!